I dunno how to explain how sucky I felt

No words can describe how sucky I felt right now...I really want to blog about everything that is going through my mind right now but too bad some of them are not for public display...
sucky feeling number 1 is because I can't expressed everything right now at this place..
sucky feeling number 2 is because people thought I'm joking when I'm saying that I'm not feeling okay...
sucky feeling number 3 is because everything just sux....
It's not a book, I can't tear out the pages that I don't want them to be there. I know I have to deal with it,but I'm still human and I need to express myself...Acting tough is one of my problems I guess, I hide and keep my thoughts and feelings since like ever and these thoughts are not good ones usually...I always try my best to be Miss-Nice-Person that I really do not want to hurt other people's feeling and all but without noticing it,I'm actually hurting myself...Sometimes I ask why can't I just be selfish for once....just for once? Pfft...I really wonder sometimes since when did my self esteem be degraded to a level that I can almost reach the depression level...I'm never good at anything...everything I did is either average or I fail....Never the top and never recognised...I use to think that I'm ok being an average joe but I just couldn't right now at this moment...Up until this stage,I really want to have something that I can proof to people and most importantly is to myself...If I don't,I guess the identity issue will be coming in very soon...
Dissapointment and uncertainties really driving Jess's Sleeping-Volcano-of-Feelings to erupt...but thank God..I still have God in my life even everything fails me...It is because of Him that I'm still hanging on until this very day that I didn't give up everything...

p/s: thank you for showing me the amusing picture of yours (you should know who you are) and yeap you make me feel a lil better at least....

To My LEEHOM!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I know you won't see this lil blog of mine...but oh well just wanna wish you a very happy birthday and may your career be advanced to another higher level! Love you always!
xoxox

Slit Mouhted Woman? LMAO

Went to watch Slit Mouthed Woman with Merlvyn after church service on Sunday at GSC @ 1U...After getting the tickets and the popcorn, we head down to the cinema and I saw Charles,Jia Hoong,Sue May and Pui Yee....Waved at them and Charles being Charles,screamed like a girl upon seeing me..swt Charles! -.-"
Anyway back to the movie, the movie started with all the kids in a small town in Japan talking about the Slit Mouthed Woman and then an earthquake occured and tada the SMW came out of a room from a red-roofed house because the boxes that were supposedly used to blocked the room fell off....and so the kidnapping spree begins...She kidnaps the kids and hid them in a cellar at the bottom of that red-roofed house.She possesed all the mothers who were infected with a cough and she starts the kidnapping and all...
The funny thing of the movie was the ghost loves to kick whoever that was lying on the floor instead of killing them with the big scissors she was holding 24/7.There were no sudden shocking or scary scenes throughout the whole movie and that actually defeats the purpose of a horror movie...
If I were to rate it? Mayb just a C grade movie...

iBuffet

Mosquitoes were having big time feasting on me during cell! I just got back awhile ago and gosh I think my back is red, blotchy and scratchy now...Blame it on me for 2 reasons.First was wearing full black <>...Second was because I sat near the plants (of all places)...Damn smart of me! Now my legs are catching up with the itch....and no,I don't have pictures taken on how icky it is...Obviously my arms are not long enough to stretch and take a picture of my back right? Since my neighbour just recovered from dengue, so that explains why am I getting quite worried now...

I wanna go Redang!!!!

Sigh....Kee Peng just told me that they are going to Redang on next Monday!!!I wanna go!But my aunt's getting married next week and I can't be at 2 places at the same time....sob!sob! *cry* *cry* Is this what people call so near yet so far?

I don't get what I want...what the crap is this?I'm never selected....Why am I always the KIV one? I'm failing so much that I'm starting to hate myself sometimes...I give out so bloody fucking much but I get back shit.....Why in the world people give out so little compare to me and they get way more than what they have expected?My expectations on the other hand are never met...Fucking unfair.......I'm fuming 'nuff said!

To my Internet line

Here I pay u a week ago and u giving me shit now?....WTF is wrong with u? Ur lucky that ur service return to normal at 6.23am in da 4th of May 2008..and MIND U! I have to wake up like 6am to try connecting it?U pissed me big time off yesterday night....was already so bloody bored and I decided to do some surfing for the coming audition and here U FAIL me!U make me reboot my modem like so many times and u still fail to connect...
Once again,
U SUX! 'nuff said