No words can describe how sucky I felt right now...I really want to blog about everything that is going through my mind right now but too bad some of them are not for public display...
sucky feeling number 1 is because I can't expressed everything right now at this place..
sucky feeling number 2 is because people thought I'm joking when I'm saying that I'm not feeling okay...
sucky feeling number 3 is because everything just sux....
It's not a book, I can't tear out the pages that I don't want them to be there. I know I have to deal with it,but I'm still human and I need to express myself...Acting tough is one of my problems I guess, I hide and keep my thoughts and feelings since like ever and these thoughts are not good ones usually...I always try my best to be Miss-Nice-Person that I really do not want to hurt other people's feeling and all but without noticing it,I'm actually hurting myself...Sometimes I ask why can't I just be selfish for once....just for once? Pfft...I really wonder sometimes since when did my self esteem be degraded to a level that I can almost reach the depression level...I'm never good at anything...everything I did is either average or I fail....Never the top and never recognised...I use to think that I'm ok being an average joe but I just couldn't right now at this moment...Up until this stage,I really want to have something that I can proof to people and most importantly is to myself...If I don't,I guess the identity issue will be coming in very soon...
Dissapointment and uncertainties really driving Jess's Sleeping-Volcano-of-Feelings to erupt...but thank God..I still have God in my life even everything fails me...It is because of Him that I'm still hanging on until this very day that I didn't give up everything...
p/s: thank you for showing me the amusing picture of yours (you should know who you are) and yeap you make me feel a lil better at least....
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